I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
