You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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