I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
