Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
