I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
