You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize