like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
