Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
