Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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