i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
