Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
