he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
where are you?
Hypothermia
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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