Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
