this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
