I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
