i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
