Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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