I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
