his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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