Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
