Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
