I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize