I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
