My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
