apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
