when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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