Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
being pregnant is like rehab
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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