i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize