no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
