i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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