1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You made out with two different species that night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
