I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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