We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
