I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
