it was like his penis was on wheels.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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