he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
