I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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