she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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