explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They took my balls.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
