I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
