you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
