I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
