oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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