We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
