girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
