Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
