just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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