she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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