her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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