New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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