3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
