she takes plan B like it's going out of style
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize