I feel like I'm in dance class right now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
