I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
