ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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