So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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