I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
