I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
