My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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