So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
