I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
