I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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