and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
