woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
