We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Two words: blizzard sex
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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