Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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