wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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