I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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