fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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