ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
