You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize