I want to make a zoo with you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
