you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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