so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
