Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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