maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
