Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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