she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
