you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
